You\u2019ve probably heard this or seen at least one of a thousand memes about it: to love others, you must first love yourself. While it sounds like sage advice, I don\u2019t agree with it. Not one bit. I\u2019ve witnessed a tremendous amount of love poured out from some of the most genuinely self-deprecating individuals. I\u2019ve known people who were brutally hard on themselves but shared love generously with friends, family, and acquaintances. When a person chooses to love another, the inner critic can\u2019t always stop him. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Before I go any further, know that whenever I talk or write about love, I\u2019m referring to acts, not feelings associated with love or being in love. The love I write about involves patience, service, compassion, encouragement, forgiveness, and acceptance. This love might be romantic, but it also includes the love given to a friend, parent, or child.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
While I don\u2019t believe that people can\u2019t love others unless they love themselves (first or ever), I do believe they could experience love better<\/em>. <\/p>\n\n\n\n I ran this idea\u2014the relationship between self-love and the love for others\u2014by my team of practitioners at The Counseling Place, and of course, I explored the Internet. I learned I\u2019m not alone in my opinion, and some themes and connections appeared again and again. <\/p>\n\n\n\n The Connection Between Happiness & Love If individuals tend to focus on all the things they don\u2019t like about themselves, they are limiting their happiness. By limiting their own happiness, they also reduce their ability to engage in deep, meaningful, loving relationships. They can love but not as fully.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Love & Reciprocity<\/strong> Sometimes the refusal to accept gestures of love is an under-the-radar way to exert power or feel in control. That dynamic, however, weakens bonds and prevents a relationship from thriving. Once again, people can share their love with others, but if they won\u2019t accept it in return, they miss out.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Self-Acceptance, Happiness, & Love<\/strong> Johnson pointed me to The Gifts of Imperfection<\/em>, in which author Bren\u00e9 Brown emphasizes the difference between striving to be our best (healthy) and perfectionism (not at all healthy). Brown describes perfectionism as a way to avoid pain (the idea that if we\u2019re perfect, bad things won\u2019t happen). Brown says it\u2019s a shield, \u201cIt\u2019s a twenty-ton shield that we lug around thinking it will protect us when, in fact, it\u2019s the thing that\u2019s really preventing us from flight.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n Self-acceptance strengthens mental health and supports happiness. Self-acceptance means a person understands that being flawed is human and that imperfections simply differentiate one human from another. Self-acceptance involves showing oneself compassion, patience, and grace. It includes forgiving oneself for mistakes and forgetfulness. <\/p>\n\n\n\n All of these acts are also acts of love. Embracing who you are, letting go of insecurities, and overcoming self-doubt<\/strong> will help you to experience deeper, more authentic love. When a person chooses self-acceptance, love can flow more freely, and we can all experience love better.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" You\u2019ve probably heard this or seen at least one of a thousand memes about it: to love others, you must first love yourself. While it sounds like sage advice, I don\u2019t agree with it. Not one bit. I\u2019ve witnessed a tremendous amount of love poured out from some of the most genuinely self-deprecating individuals. I\u2019ve […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":3562,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"content-type":"","wprm-recipe-roundup-name":"","wprm-recipe-roundup-description":"","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[37],"tags":[295,90,294],"ppma_author":[19],"class_list":{"0":"post-3561","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-mental-health","8":"tag-love","9":"tag-mental-health","10":"tag-self-acceptance-2"},"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/goodlife247.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/iStock-862717286.jpg","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"publishpress_future_action":{"enabled":false,"date":"2026-05-12 08:57:38","action":"change-status","newStatus":"draft","terms":[],"taxonomy":"category","extraData":[]},"publishpress_future_workflow_manual_trigger":{"enabledWorkflows":[]},"authors":[{"term_id":19,"user_id":1,"is_guest":0,"slug":"admin_7odr8iqj","display_name":"admin","avatar_url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/1feee162e18d4afc874b0031f2d89eb6bdad45c74ffc261dcdf93c2cd863d4d2?s=96&d=mm&r=g","0":null,"1":"","2":"","3":"","4":"","5":"","6":"","7":"","8":""}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/goodlife247.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3561","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/goodlife247.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/goodlife247.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/goodlife247.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/goodlife247.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3561"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/goodlife247.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3561\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3563,"href":"https:\/\/goodlife247.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3561\/revisions\/3563"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/goodlife247.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/3562"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/goodlife247.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3561"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/goodlife247.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3561"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/goodlife247.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3561"},{"taxonomy":"author","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/goodlife247.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fppma_author&post=3561"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
The science of happiness <\/strong>dictates thathappiness consists of various components, with an emphasis on overall well-being and emotional health. While happiness and love make good company, they are not equal. Love impacts, but is not a direct route to, happiness. Happiness, on the other hand, directly affects how well a person can give and receive love. One\u2019s level of happiness also influences how a person manages the less desirable feelings (like anxiety and grief) love sometimes brings. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Love involves giving and receiving. When people don\u2019t care much for themselves, they might think they\u2019re unworthy of receiving love and, therefore, resist accepting love from others. This rejection of love keeps a relationship off balance. At some point, denying another\u2019s acts of love can damage the relationship. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Self-acceptance was the most prevalent topic in the feedback I received from my team. Kyleigh Johnson, a therapist who works mostly with children, helps young people lift the burden of what\u2019s missing and learn to see the positives they already have. She also works with clients to address perfectionism, a nemesis of self-acceptance. <\/p>\n\n\n\n